Seasons of Love Seasons of Loss
For Families who live with autism, May we learn to support each other in our feelings…
Seasons of Loss~ Copyright by Connie Post ~
The days roll by
And Sometimes,
I think I’ve accepted this.
But as fall comes and goes
Each time,
I put you back on your special bus
And relive
The seasons of Loss
Broken sleep
And broken dreams
Surround the chaos
Of diagnostic evaluations and
Brain scans and
The silent drives home.
Where is that far away place
Your big blue eyes so often go?
Can I follow you there,
And then just once
We could read a Sesame Street book together.
It took me so long to say it,
That word.
Autism.
Autistic,
My little boy
Who was supposed to pay baseball with Daddy,
To be excited when the first truck went by,
And now all I do
Is thirst for you to say,
“Mommy, can I have some juice?”
Death of Dreams~ Copyright by Connie Post ~
I cannot bear
To think of
Who your favorite Muppet would have been,
What your favorite bedtime story
Would have been.
I get lost in your knowing,
Yet unknowing smile,
And relive over and over
A life not yet fully lived.
I wonder if you’d been good at
Soccer or baseball
Or English lit. or algebra,
Or if you’d have worn
A white of Black Tux
At your wedding.
I cannot think of who your children
Might have looked like,
And if their smile would have been like yours.
Parties~ Copyright by Connie Post ~
Sometimes at birthday parties
There is no sugar coating
Your disability,
When you do not notice gifts
Or play pin the tail on the donkey.
The pain
Is sprinkled slowly
Like little hard candies
Over the frosted top of the birthday cake,
Randomly.
Some days,
I can taste only the
Sweetness of cake.
Some days,
I crunch on hard candy
All day long,
Biting over and over again
Into pain.
Makin' It All Worth While~ Copyright by Connie Post ~
It is hard to
Do the same sign
Over and over
And get no response,
And it’s difficult to
See you look normal
And not be,
And it’s painful
To never hear
The words I thought
A three year old would say.
But it is not difficult
To hold you in my arms
And say I love you
And know you feel what I mean.
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